I recently had to apply a strong herbal salve to a nefarious looking spot under my left armpit that had grown since I last gave it a good look. (That might have been years ago.) This salve is strong stuff, not used unless you’re ready for killing bad cells or pulling something unhealthy that you don’t want there. It can be painful. And it was.
Maybe it was because of a little cluster of cells dying in my body, but I’ve been in an odd mood, fatigued, but gaining some clarity the last day or so. I’ve come to realize the way I want to live the rest of my life is to end each day good with everyone and everything as if it were my last day alive. This way, I remain where I truly want to be, focused on what is truly important for the duration of my time here.
That is not a humorless, dour thought. I’m taking time to enjoy the little things we take for granted, and to enjoy the silliness of much of life, as usual.
Years ago I began making peace with death and decided that I would end my life at peace and with love in my heart. Killing some bad cells in my body apparently has given me just enough a taste of death to remind me of this.
There’s that thing many of us are taught, to not go to be angry with somebody. Good advice. I’m taking that as far as I can to apply to everyone and everything within my awareness. To end my days able to forgive anyone and be good with anything going on.
That means thinking of the different people I encountered or heard about in the news that have said or done anything that affects me or those I love or anyone, and being able to not just forgive, but feel at least some kind of love and appreciation for the unique portion of life they are. Whoever’s face comes to mind, whatever name.
I think of it as an extension of the Zen principle of non-grasping. I release my grasp of all resentments or even the smallest negativity towards anyone.
I also think of it as loving my neighbor as myself. Who is my neighbor?
Everyone on planet Earth.
I want to be good with all of you and all of it in my heart when I go. So I am practicing now.