Yesterday was a reminder of how my thoughts can spin out of control when you get up feeling worn out and just plain negative. The thoughts were irritable and angry towards those I live with, my family, towards the plans already in place, and towards the pile of little to-do tasks I face daily.
I had to just stop myself, do an herbal card reading for myself, watch some Warehouse 13, take a nap, get some little stuff done that I could handle, and prepare myself for an objective look at what was stressing me out. Today I’m more positive and in more of a place to make some objective decisions about this stuff.
I guess you could say this is part of the stress of making the transition from inborn introvert to self-made extrovert. I’ll be looking for how to make it less stressful, just as I learned to go with the flow when my youngest niece was a hyper 4-year old with enough energy to either exhaust me or completely change my day with a child’s wonder-filled diversions. (I learned to choose the latter).
Nearly a decade ago after climbing out of a rock bottom place and coming across the Kryon material (book 1 – highly recommended) and received the message that we can change anything about ourselves that we don’t like. This is not about attempting to wrench from yourself something you “hate” about yourself. It has to come from a place of Love that first sees the past purpose and usefulness of those things. Then let them go because they are no longer useful.
I decided certain aspects of my personality were more detrimental than beneficial. I’d learned those lessons. They had served me well to that point. It was time to start changing.
I used astrology as a language for this. More specifically in reference to my birth chart, Moon in Capricorn was part of my personality that no longer served me. I decided to change from the familiar patterns of Moon in Capricorn to a new, more suitable pattern of Moon in Libra. I also decided to change the typical characteristics (and limitations) of my inborn Virgo rising personality to one much more like Sagittarius rising. (This is not a blanket assessment of better vs worse for these astrological factors, just my choices).
It takes decades, maybe 20 years or more to make these changes. I’m nearly one decade in. My progress in developing Moon in Libra qualities has made more progress than developing Sagittarius rising qualities. As helped make my choice previously when there were plenty of Librans, especially Moon in Libra people around me that I admired, now there are Sagittarius types showing up in my life to demonstrate these qualities and help things along (even if they don’t know it).
Being more involved with others to make greater use of my place in the world as a healer is part of this change. Actually caring more about the details of others’ lives and being more emotionally invested in them is much more Moon in Libra vs Moon in Capricorn, which is generally just “bottom line it for me, and give me mine.”
Tuning up my nervous system and imagination to leave the Virgo preoccupation with practicalities and a limited small task-orientation for the larger space of the (Sagittarius rising) movement of a vision into material reality for myself and others is to literally change my DNA.
Anyone who wants to can do this. For me it also means gradually letting go of the small comfy place to retreat to when things get too big too fast.
In looking back at my stress yesterday, that is what I see. There’s no magic bullet or technique for getting these results. The decision to change followed by steps that lead to its full materialization in my thinking patterns and actions… that’s what it takes and it may take another couple decades or more to get where I know I can be.
Its not that I didn’t experience normal growth earlier in life. I went from being a really introverted and stingy MoFo in my teens and twenties to developing some sense of social justice and broader concern for humanity, but it never resulted in a change of personality that was equipped to fully act on it. At times I even felt a deep frustration with myself and the constant health issues and personal limitations that kept me from functioning with a broader, more positive effect as a healer.
A book (Kryon book 1) lent to me by a friend changed my perspective on these things. Thanks, Elihu.
I have used astrology as a language for communicating with my own DNA and with the Universe for assistance in this process. To some students of astrology (and the ‘stars rule us’ crowd), this probably sounds too woo-woo for even them to accept. But it is based on the acceptance of something more fundamental to life than even astrology — the recognition of our full free will. The Power of Intention. When our personal spiritual focus is harnessed towards a long-term vision of who we can be, then nothing and no one can stop our growth. I’ve never seen the Universe as blocking growth, progress, beauty, or complexity.
Yesterday was just a single little pothole in the road of this pilgrim’s progress. Today brought a turn with two great, uplifting conversations to get the day started.
I remember a time when the whole road was off the map through one long and barren desert.
Change is stressful — to the part of us that doesn’t want to. But change is the only constant in the universe, and is the whole dynamic of evolution. Why look for a plot of sameness to own when you can spin like a whirling dervish until you take flight!